


Change of Heart

by SweetSorcery



Category: The Gentle Gunman
Genre: 1940s, Angst, Brother/Brother Incest, Brothers, Drama, First Kiss, Incest, Ireland, M/M, Male Slash, Missing Scene, Northern Ireland, Rare Pairing, Slash, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-09
Updated: 2009-11-09
Packaged: 2017-10-02 13:44:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSorcery/pseuds/SweetSorcery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt needs guidance, and Terry has always given his brother what he needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change of Heart

The idea of sacrificing everything for the liberation of Ireland was no longer as appealing to Matt as it had once been. As a child, when he had watched Terry's youthful heroics with wide, worshipping eyes, nothing had seemed more important than a free Ireland - if only because Terry had said so. But then Terry had left, because 'travel broadens the mind', and Matt had been cast adrift, with Shinto and the others filling his head with bittersweet dreams of a glorious death.

But Terry hadn't been there to die _with_, and Matt could no longer tell dreams from nightmares. Everything had felt wrong without Terry, and Matt, in need of guidance, had sought him out in London. If dying for Ireland was better than living for her, he wanted Terry to tell him so. Unlike the others, Terry would never lie to him.

Then he _had_ seen Terry again, and every question and every doubt had been wiped from Matt's mind, only to be replaced by a series of new ones. Terry had seemed very different, unaware that his younger brother had changed as well. It had been so long, and Matt had missed Terry so much, but nothing he knew could explain why his heart had raced at the sound of Terry's voice, and his world - already tilted and askew for completely different reasons - had turned upside down at the sight of Terry's smile.

Terry had always made Matt see what he did not want to see. Terry could turn his head with his persuasive talk and disarming smiles. Terry had got to him, once again, but this time, ironically, he hadn't even tried. It had nothing to do with Ireland either; there, Matt had already been full of doubt. It wasn't anything specific Terry had said. It was the way he had torn the lingering childhood adoration from Matt's heart and unknowingly filled the empty space with new, wild thoughts, more dangerous than Tommy guns and hand grenades.

Matt paced the garage, knowing he would be leaving with the others for the docks within minutes. But he couldn't leave like this. He was naïve, but not naïve enough to think that Shinto's plan would work and they would all make it back alive. And when he hurried to remove the slat of wood Shinto had wedged across the door frame to the store room, and then unlocked the door, it was because he could not bear the thought of never seeing Terry again.

Before he could say a word, he was roughly pulled inside, the door was slammed shut, and he was pushed back against the thin wood. It creaked while Terry rifled through his coat pockets for a gun, and Matt could only close his eyes and bite his lips.

There was a husky laugh, and the searching hands withdrew and came to rest on his forearms. "Matt! Why didn't you say something? I thought it was Shinto."

Matt gulped. "I had to see you, Terry, before I leave."

Terry sighed, his exhalation warm on Matt's face. "Don't go, Matt. It's suicide."

He stood so close, Matt could just make out his concerned eyes in the dim light forcing its way through a dirt-caked window. He swallowed hard. "Shinto would never let me back out now, but if you want to make a run for it, I'll--"

Terry laughed. "Don't be silly, Matt. How far do you think I'd get? Shinto isn't that fussed about a court martial, and he's not beyond shooting a man in the back either." What he didn't say was, _And I don't run like a coward._ He didn't need to say it for Matt to know.

"I'm sorry," Matt offered meekly. "About everything."

Terry smiled indulgently. "I'm not finished yet. I stil have a few tricks up my sleeve, and I'll get you out of it too."

"From inside here?"

"Leave me to worry about that," Terry said gently. He was standing very close, his hands still motionless on Matt's arms, his warm scent of leather and tobacco as familiar as his voice.

Once, not that long ago, Terry's closeness had been comforting, making Matt feel safe and cared for and able to let down his guard entirely. But now, it made him dizzy and nervous. He was like a boat in a storm, his anchor the very thing threatening to capsize him. His voice was tremulous when he spoke. "You always worry about me."

"Someone has to get you out of all the trouble you get yourself into."

There was not even a hint of annoyance in the words, though Matt knew well that he deserved it. He met Terry's fond gaze, barely suppressing a whimper when Terry placed a hand on his cheek. His brother always touched him - casually, protectively - but here, alone in this tiny, dark room with just enough light to meet each other's eyes, the intimacy of it took Matt's breath away. He was not even aware he had stopped breathing until he grew faint and swayed a little.

Terry steadied him with one hand around his biceps, but the other remained on Matt's cheek. "You're weak as a kitten, Matt." He sounded amused, and Matt closed his eyes in shame while Terry went on, "It's all right. I'll see that Shinto doesn't drag you down with him."

"It's not about that," Matt murmured before he could stop himself. He wondered whether Terry would ask what it _was_ about. There was a long pause before Terry spoke, and Matt kept his eyes firmly closed, knowing they would give him away.

"I can see that," Terry agreed softly, studying Matt's face carefully. "But I think I know."

Matt wanted to laugh it off, started to say, "I doubt--" But Terry's thumb left his cheek to trace his lower lip, and the laughter died in his throat. His eyes flew open, and he stared at Terry.

"Never doubt me, Matt." Terry's eyes caressed the quivering flesh under his thumb. "I saw it in your eyes when I got you into that phone booth in London, and I heard it in your voice when you said you'd had to see me." He smiled softly. "And in the alley, you were so nervous and excited, trying so hard to make a show of anger instead. But you were trembling when I touched you, just as you are now." His thumb traced the cupid's bow of Matt's mouth. "Never doubt me, Matt. And never doubt that I know you better than you know yourself." And he pulled his brother close and kissed him.

Matt's eyes drifted shut, and he heard himself whimper feebly against Terry's lips. This was wrong, even though it was everything he had dreamed of. And though they cared little for man's laws, it was against God's laws. But Matt couldn't tear away, and Terry kept kissing him as if it didn't matter that they would both burn in hell. Terry's lips were so warm and hungry, and Matt couldn't even pretend to resist, didn't want to pretend, wanted simply to open up and allow Terry's probing tongue into the warmth of his mouth. So he did.

And Terry gave him what he needed and took everything he wanted, swallowing Matt's groan to keep it silent. He crushed Matt so close, the reckless young heart thumped hard against his own. Matt was pinned to the creaking door by Terry's body, clawing at the back of Terry's leather jacket to stop from spinning out of control. He gave himself up to the kiss; there was nothing else to do. Terry knew how to bend and shape him, knew what was best for Matt. And only when the kiss ended at last did Matt dare make a sound, gasping his brother's name out with a desperate rush of breath.

"Hush now," Terry whispered, his lips brushing Matt's cheek. "We don't want Shinto to hear you, do we?" His breath was hot on the shell of Matt's ear as he continued to hold him close. "I want you to myself for another minute."

"Terry," Matt sighed, his eyelids fluttering when Terry kissed his cheek softly. "I can't leave you here." He tightened his arms around Terry's back as if he could hold him fast like that forever.

"You can." Terry sighed. "You must." He squeezed Matt tight for a moment, then reluctantly let go of him to cup his face in both hands.

Matt tried to lean in and kiss him again, but Terry kept him at a distance, his soft lips glistening damply, and Matt said pleadingly, "I love you so, Terry."

"I know that, Matt. And I love you too. That's why I have to let you go now." Terry smiled when Matt groaned in frustration and tried to move in again. "Listen to me now. I'll get you away from Shinto, I promise you that, but I can't do a thing if he finds you in here with me. You have to leave." He pressed another quick kiss to Matt's cheek, his heart skipping at Matt's whimper of pleasure. "Leave and lock me in again, you hear? And pretend to play along with Shinto's plans until I catch up with you."

"But Terry, you and I..." Matt tried to find the right words, but his senses were still reeling, and he couldn't think, and they were out of time.

Terry took his shoulders and shook Matt lightly. "That's right, Matt. You and I. Remember that. When I've put things to rights, and we're well finished with this place, it'll just be you and I."

Matt swallowed. "Promise, Terry. I want you to promise."

"I promise, Matt." Terry cupped his face again and said softly, "I've never broken a promise to you yet, have I?"

Matt smiled. "Never, Terry."

"Then trust me."

"I do. With my life." Matt turned his face to press a kiss into Terry's palm.

"Take care of yourself while I'm not with you, Matt," Terry said, his voice cracking slightly. "Just until tomorrow. Then I'll be taking over again."

There was a slamming of car doors outside and Shinto's voice barking orders.

Terry pulled Matt to one side by his hand and opened the store room door, carefully peering out. "Go now. He'll be back any moment."

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but it was closed by a firm kiss before he was propelled out into the garage. He had just enough presence of mind to replace the slat across the door, heart racing and hands shaking, before anyone came in.

~ ~ ~

Only when he was walking down the road south with Terry the next day, and for the first time in his life, nothing weighed on his heart except the full extent of his love for Terry... only then did his heart slow to a gentler pace.

THE END


End file.
